The State of the Postmodern Family (Part 2)

This is the second post in a series of three on the state of the postmodern family. We are examining the changes from 50 years ago to today of men, women, and kids within the family unit. The data was based from a Family Ministry class taught by Dr. Chap Clark at Fuller Theological Seminary. In The State of the Postmodern Family (Part 1), I discussed the “roles/expectations” of men, women, and kids within today’s family. This post will explore the “values” of the family 50 years ago versus today. My final post in the series will be a discussion on their “lifestyles”.

VALUES

For Women:

• In the 1950’s, women valued “relationships”. The values they possessed was based on the role they played within the family. The order of the relationships they valued were as follows: 1) Children; 2) Friends; 3) Husband
• Today, women want to be taken seriously. They want to be valued for value’s sake…women generally want to be valued, and to have a relationship that is meaningful. They desire connection. This may sound similar to 50 years ago, but the difference is in the means. Being valued is the route to relational satisfaction.

For Men:

• 50 years ago, men sought “stability” in their lives as the highest value. Words like loyalty, commitment, and providing for the family contributed to the feeling of stability in men’s lives.
  • Around the 1960’s, “the deconstruction” began to go crazy due to events such as civil rights riots, Woodstock, rise of Malcolm X, and the women’s liberation movement. Out of the ashes did not rise a meta-narrative, instead, more pronounced individualism, and less stability.
• Today, men seek success. Success will provide stability.
  • This is why men tend to work too much, and why pornography and sports are the two greatest outlets of passion expression for men. Men feel like they are on a treadmill, and cannot get off of it.

For Kids:

• In the 1950’s, the highest value of kids was to “fulfill dreams”. Kids knew how to play and converse, and were free to “do and discover”.
• Today, the highest value for kids is simply “to survive”. With the tremendous stress teenagers are under today (sadly, created by adults and adults wanting to feel better about themselves), all they want to do is just survive.

NOTE: Remember, these posts about men, women, and kids are spoken in general terms, but I think that if we take an honest look at families around us we will find this research to be a reality in the lives of many of them.

Again, I want to hear from you: What is your experience? Does this line up with what you see in families today? Is this description accurate across all demographics?

Two good books that have also contributed to this collective data:

1. Ties That Stress: The New Family Imbalance by David Elkind

2. Families at the Crossroads: Beyond Traditional and Modern Options by Rodney Clapp

 

The State of the Postmodern Family (Part 1)

A couple of weeks ago, I did a seminar to a room full of middle school and high school parents talking about the “postmodern family”. The data was collected from my Family Ministry class taught by Dr. Chap Clark at Fuller Theological Seminary. It created a lot of discussion, but more than anything else, I think that it opened the eyes of many of the parents in the room. It also helped put to words the observations of the world today as it relates to the family unit.

The seminar began by giving a brief overview of how the postmodern movement emerged, and followed with how it has effected our definition of family. Much has changed in the recent years. Fifteen years ago family was defined by blood; now family is defined by anyone who defines themselves as a “family” is a family. Along with this changing definition of family, we examined the changes from 50 years ago to men, women, and kids within the family: 1. Roles/Expectations; 2) Values; and 3) Lifestyles.

This week, we will examine the Roles/Expectations of men, women, and children 50 years ago versus today…

ROLES/EXPECTATIONS

For Women:

• In the 1950’s, women were seen as the “nurturer”. They were the ones who cared for the family, and lived under clear, non-negotiable guidelines of being a good wife.
• Today, women are seen as “co-earners” with women making up 51% of the workforce. Interestingly, although women are seen as co-earners, they still maintain the role of primary nurturer in the family. This has led to women today being more stressed out and depressed than ever before.

For Men:

• 50 years ago, men were the “protector/provider” for the family
• Today, men have no idea what is their role or expectations in the family. This has a tremendous effect especially on Christian men because the church has come up with a theological construct of men being the “protector/provider”, therefore, men today do not have a role model of what a man’s role truly is.

For Kids:

• In the 1950’s, kids were “safe to explore life”. Adults and communities had the sole purpose in mind of helping the child discover their true identity.
• Today, the role/expectation of kids is that they are “abandoned” by adults and adult systems originally set in place to help kids. (This concept is explored in-depth in the book called Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers by Dr. Chap Clark)

What is your experience? Does this line up with what you see in families today? Is this description accurate across all demographics?