Stress and the Unrealistic Expectations of the Church

Recently, I wrote a post called We Are All Pastors, and was discussing this topic with my co-worker and friend Rhett Smith. He brought up an interesting point in his response to the post, and something I think is worth evaluating (or re-evaluating). He said:

I wonder if the expectations that pastors have upon lay leadership, congregants, volunteers, etc. is actually quite skewed. We challenge people to commit and step up, not taking into consideration the demands of their daily life, when those of us in full-time ministry have the luxury to make that our job, have flexible schedules, etc.

Many of us in youth ministry are probably dealing with over-committed and over-stressed students who have over-committed and over-stressed parents. In thinking about our context in particular, we have kids who go to school all week, hours of homework every night, and have parents that drive all over the city to take them to their different teams and recitals. Then the weekend comes and Saturday is an excuse to schedule more “make up” time to catch up on the time lost during the week. Because they have no time during the week or are not available, we respond by scheduling stuff on Sunday at church because that is the best time for us to get things accomplished pertaining to church. The same pattern is followed with the volunteers working with students. The question becomes: Are we contributing to or relieving the stress placed on the people of the church? How would our ministries look if we “scaled back”? Do we, as leaders in the church, even have that luxury?

Dr. Archibald Hart at Fuller Theological Seminary has done some great work regarding stress and its affects on people today. In his book Adrenaline and Stress, he talks about the toll our body, mind, and soul takes in our “hurried” culture. He says that many people suffer from “Hurried Sickness” in which people live in a constant state of “internal state of emergency”. David Elkhind in his book The Hurried Child defines stress as:

Any unusual demand for adaptation that forces us to call upon our energy reserves over and above that which we ordinarily expend and replenish in the course of a twenty-four-hour period. (The Hurried Child, p. 166)

The stress is felt by everyone: Students, parents, volunteers, and even pastors. Pastors feel the stress of expectations placed on them to provide great programs for the people in their congregation. If the needs of the congregation are not met, then the people (and their wallets and calendars) leave with them. The response is to get help running these programs to meet the needs of the congregation. The help comes from people within the “stressed out” congregation leading to a vicious cycle in which the “good news” becomes the casualty. It seems that the culture of stress has created unrealistic expectations on both pastors and congregants alike. How did we get here? Better yet, how can we break this cycle?

 

We Are All Pastors

I am starting to think out loud, and want your interaction and feedback.

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

Acts 2:42-47

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

1 Peter 2:9

Without getting into detail, there have been some issues at our church. I know all churches have issues, so that is nothing new. But the issues occurring at our church have got me thinking about what we value in being ministered to by others, in particular those with the title of “pastor”. It seems that there has been a disconnect in the pastors and the rest of the staff when it comes to being ministered to. Now, please know that I am not letting the pastors off the hook, or saying anything about their leadership style; I am going for something deeper…

I guess what the entire situation has got me thinking about is this: Why do we put so much onus and credence in what the person with the title of “pastor” does or doesn’t do? And how do we get people to see that we are all “pastors”?

It seems that all of us in church ministry want to be ministered to and be acknowledged by our pastors. In looking at these passages, I can not help but ask the question: Why? Why does it matter what those with the title of pastor think? What does it matter if they do not minister to us? What does it matter if they barely even know who we are? (Speaking from a mega-church perspective) More importantly, is it fair to them to have the these expectations placed on them?

As I read the passage from Acts and 1 Peter, I see a “mega-church” community ministering to each other regardless of a pastor’s or an apostle’s presence. In the Acts passage, people are following the teachings of the apostles, but no where does it say or assume that the apostles are personally tending to the needs of ALL the people. It is the community of people that is speaking in to the lives of one another. They are all pastors!!

My question is: How do we get back to this? How do we get people to be okay with being ministered to by people that do not carry the title of pastor? How do we get to the place in our ministries where people “pastoring” one another is enough? Maybe the bigger question is: How do we get to the place where God is enough?