The other day, a friend of mine sent me info about a new movie coming out today in the UK. The film is called InRealLife. It’s a documentary asking the question of what the internet, social media and 24/7 connectivity is actually doing to our kids. I also got the chance to listen to a podcast interview with the author (scroll to about the last quarter of the podcast – sorry it doesn’t have a time on it). In think that this could be a great conversation starter for us as parents, youth leaders, and adults working with kids.
There were a few things that came out of that interview as I see it, and would love to get your feedback:
1. Loss of solitude and the individuation process. To put it simply, individuation is the process by which we answer three key questions: 1) Who am I?; 2) Do i fit/belong?; and 3) Do the choices I make matter? The loss of solitude and our inability to be alone with our own thoughts hinders or impedes our ability to properly individuate. Part of development is for us to be with our own thoughts and feelings, and to understand and test them to see what makes us “us”. The question of “who am I” is in danger of no longer being a self-discovered task, but has now fallen to the mercy of others. While we do need others to help us thru the process of individuation, constant connectivity has caused led us to surrender that right to the masses. It is now thru “likes” and “comments” and always being in the sight of someone else that defines us, and our own contribution and “voice” has been lost.
2. Virtual isolation and behavior development. Part of development is to look around you and see how other people behave and take lessons from that. But with our eyes always being diverted and taken into the screen, it affects us. People are having trouble entering the world and controlling their behavior because they do not have a realistic understanding of how to behave or interact in a community. Interpersonal relationships are deeply impacted leading to relationally deficient young adults.
3. Love and intimacy. It looks like the film focuses primarily on boys only and their idea of love being based on what they see in pornography. In the trailer, one of the boys says:
“I find that it’s so hard for me now to actually feel the connection for a girl”
Personally, I was profoundly struck at the hopelessness and sense of “entrapment” to the loss of the ability to love in the boys from the film. I also couldn’t help but think about the affect on women. Men are constantly looking for or communicating that they are looking for this certain type of woman based on the pornography they have consumed. For young girls whose self-concepts and identity are still being figured out, they might not be strong enough to say or even know what they want. So girls then try to give young men what they want based on what’s being communicated by changing who they are. The cycle is that boys tend to have a false ideal of relationships and therefore make them unable to keep or maintain a loving, committed relationship. And girls on the other hand, are displaying and giving their “false self” to boys to hopefully fill the void in their own lives.
4. The role of adults. The last portion of the interview was the most sobering in my opinion, and is what we as parents, youth leaders, and adults need to hear. The director, Beeban Kidron says that kids don’t take the time to stop and talk to adults about the issues that they are facing. This led me to wonder if it’s not the other way around: Are adults not taking the time to stop and talk to kids about these issues? Then she went on to say that adults are just as responsible for the plight of kids. Even when kids do try and look up to see or get help from adults, all the kids see are adults are on their phones doing the same things. Is it time to re-evaluate the prevalence and use of media and technology in our lives?
So my questions to you are:
- What do you think about the three main ideas from this movie? Agree? Disagree? How do they make you feel?
- What are the benefits and deficits of “constant connectivity”?
- Have you had to create any personal “boundaries” when it comes to using your smartphone, internet, social media, etc.? If you wouldn’t mind sharing those boundaries, and we could possibly help each other out.
- As parents, have you created any limits or boundaries within your home in regards to internet and technology usage that have been helpful for you?
collection of crumbs 