This is the second post in a series of three on the state of the postmodern family. We are examining the changes from 50 years ago to today of men, women, and kids within the family unit. The data was based from a Family Ministry class taught by Dr. Chap Clark at Fuller Theological Seminary. In The State of the Postmodern Family (Part 1), I discussed the “roles/expectations” of men, women, and kids within today’s family. This post will explore the “values” of the family 50 years ago versus today. My final post in the series will be a discussion on their “lifestyles”.
VALUES
For Women:
- In the 1950’s, women valued “relationships”. The values they possessed was based on the role they played within the family. The order of the relationships they valued were as follows: 1) Children; 2) Friends; 3) Husband
- Today, women want to be taken seriously. They want to be valued for value’s sake…women generally want to be valued, and to have a relationship that is meaningful. They desire connection. This may sound similar to 50 years ago, but the difference is in the means. Being valued is the route to relational satisfaction.
For Men:
- 50 years ago, men sought “stability” in their lives as the highest value. Words like loyalty, commitment, and providing for the family contributed to the feeling of stability in men’s lives.
- Around the 1960’s, “the deconstruction” began to go crazy due to events such as civil rights riots, Woodstock, rise of Malcolm X, and the women’s liberation movement. Out of the ashes did not rise a meta-narrative, instead, more pronounced individualism, and less stability.
- Today, men seek success. Success will provide stability.
- This is why men tend to work too much, and why pornography and sports are the two greatest outlets of passion expression for men. Men feel like they are on a treadmill, and cannot get off of it.
For Kids:
- In the 1950’s, the highest value of kids was to “fulfill dreams”. Kids knew how to play and converse, and were free to “do and discover”.
- Today, the highest value for kids is simply “to survive”. With the tremendous stress teenagers are under today (sadly, created by adults and adults wanting to feel better about themselves), all they want to do is just survive.
NOTE: Remember, these posts about men, women, and kids are spoken in general terms, but I think that if we take an honest look at families around us we will find this research to be a reality in the lives of many of them.
Again, I want to hear from you: What is your experience? Does this line up with what you see in families today? Is this description accurate across all demographics?
Two good books that have also contributed to this collective data:
1. Ties That Stress: The New Family Imbalance by David Elkind
2. Families at the Crossroads: Beyond Traditional and Modern Options by Rodney Clapp
December 26, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Two things come to mind from the past posts on this topic. First is that I’m a little concerned that we’re looking back on the “50’s” as both some kind of golden age in N.America and without the kind of perspective we might have on something further away. I used to think there was a golden age, but the more I’ve discovered people’s stories, I’ve found huge amounts of dysfunction. While people might say that certain things were “valued” at certain times, these values were not necessarily lived out across socio-economic, racial and religious lines. Our “picture” of the 50’s comes from writers who look back on their childhood’s with nostalgia.
Second, when I looked at the idea of who is in a family, I thought how much more this makes Christianity make sense. Family isn’t just about blood – but about who we accept into our family. And God has accepted us into His family. This story makes so much sense when we no longer define family simply along genetic lines.
April 28, 2008 at 4:14 am
[...] are simply trying to survive. (For more on this ideal of “survival”, check out the post I wrote on today’s postmodern family). Busy parents are trying to raise busy kids whose lives [...]
April 28, 2008 at 4:15 am
[...] are simply trying to survive. (For more on this ideal of “survival”, check out the post I wrote on today’s postmodern family). Busy parents are trying to raise busy kids whose lives [...]