A couple of weeks ago, I did a seminar to a room full of middle school and high school parents talking about the “postmodern family”. The data was collected from my Family Ministry class taught by Dr. Chap Clark at Fuller Theological Seminary. It created a lot of discussion, but more than anything else, I think that it opened the eyes of many of the parents in the room. It also helped put to words the observations of the world today as it relates to the family unit.
The seminar began by giving a brief overview of how the postmodern movement emerged, and followed with how it has effected our definition of family. Much has changed in the recent years. Fifteen years ago family was defined by blood; now family is defined by anyone who defines themselves as a “family” is a family. Along with this changing definition of family, we examined the changes from 50 years ago to men, women, and kids within the family: 1. Roles/Expectations; 2) Values; and 3) Lifestyles.
This week, we will examine the Roles/Expectations of men, women, and children 50 years ago versus today…
ROLES/EXPECTATIONS
For Women:
- In the 1950′s, women were seen as the “nurturer”. They were the ones who cared for the family, and lived under clear, non-negotiable guidelines of being a good wife.
- Today, women are seen as “co-earners” with women making up 51% of the workforce. Interestingly, although women are seen as co-earners, they still maintain the role of primary nurturer in the family. This has led to women today being more stressed out and depressed than ever before.
For Men:
- 50 years ago, men were the “protector/provider” for the family
- Today, men have no idea what is their role or expectations in the family. This has a tremendous effect especially on Christian men because the church has come up with a theological construct of men being the “protector/provider”, therefore, men today do not have a role model of what a man’s role truly is.
For Kids:
- In the 1950′s, kids were “safe to explore life”. Adults and communities had the sole purpose in mind of helping the child discover their true identity.
- Today, the role/expectation of kids is that they are “abandoned” by adults and adult systems originally set in place to help kids. (This concept is explored in-depth in the book called Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers by Dr. Chap Clark)
What is your experience? Does this line up with what you see in families today? Is this description accurate across all demographics?
December 8, 2007 at 5:13 am
Hey RO, good stuff. I have definitely seen a lot of those things. Problem is I feel like the hard part is we are caught in the middle of the two: the 1950s roles we all to a point still believe in and the realities of today. So we are fractured and fragmented and checking out because expectations on everyone seem unjust. The question becomes how to minister into it. How do we help men define manhood in Christ? How do we affirm women’s expanding roles? How do we minister to kids in the reality of it without falling into the trap of wishing for the 1950s for them? How does Scripture speak in this or does Scripture speak into it? Problem with these kinds of things is the questions are easier than the answers.
January 11, 2008 at 6:35 am
[...] the 1950’s, the lifestyle of women was orderly and mechanical. If you refer back to my first post on the postmodern family, this makes a lot of sense because women only had a certain [...]
June 24, 2008 at 3:02 am
[...] two posts are, The State of the Postmodern Family (Part 1), and (Part [...]
May 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm
I think you analysis is spot on. Men were providers and protectors. Women were basically nurtures. What caused the change? Because, even if women are as good as providing as men are, even if they are doing as well in the public arena and even if they protective role is no longer as crucial, given a chance, women would concentrate on nurturing! Most women are natural nurturers and they love it best – Even PHD holders. Where is the catch?
Over the years, women have felt, whether consciously or not, that their role is unvalued. Everything about life and value seems to be seen through monetary and position terms. So, work seems to have value only if it can be converted in monetary terms. Where does that leave home management and child nurturing? To the dogs! Who wants to have no value and a sense of significancy? Check out where a man understands this and really appreciates and values the women’s role in the home and verbalises it. The woman will be contended to do it. Appreciate her and give her ample allowance and she will gladly stay home.
On the other hand, men’s role is to lead. this is different from management! You manage things and lead people! Leadership involves relationship. Creating an atmosphere where everyone grows, blossoms and adds value to the environment. Providing and protecting should come second or third. Men who have learnt this are very happy. Headship and leadership is first about relationship and service.
(details and elaborations to follow later).